For She Gave all Her Heart and Lost #MFRWauthor




Hello minasan, and welcome back for another installment of the MFRW 52-week Blog Challenge via #MFRWAuthor.

It's Week 42 now, and the topic of discussion for today is MY FIRST LOVE

Which I really don't want to discuss here, or ever again for that matter.


Unrequited Love by KaidaYinThyme


Along with a host of other issues dealing with my past, one of the HELP steps in recovering from said malady is to let it ALL go.

Including any memories or mention of unrequited love.

However, and to be fair to the rest of the participants in this week's Hop, I can touch on the fact that while it remains a painful and quite sad memory, it was also a bit of a catalyst for my writing career!

Yes, I had a mad crush on a boy from the 7th grade straight through high school and almost a decade beyond that!

Tall, dark, devastatingly handsome, thick, unruly black hair, tanned skin, dark eyes, sexy voice, and very impressively built due to his love of all things sports.

What I remember most, though, is his smile... a toothy grin that lit up his already beaming face (to my star-struck imagination anyway).

Gosh, was he ever hot! (back in the 7th grade, though, he was a Fox)

LOL

This was a One-way street, unrequited, lonely, but also somehow fulfilling First Love because it gave me something to think about, something to dream about, and a reason to kick-start my love of reading and writing Romance.

I remember his name and what he looked like, why I adored him as much as I did, and even a bit of how it felt to see him pass me in the halls at school.

I attended all of his sporting events and used to doll-up to the hilt when I knew he'd be at a house party.

But, he never cared and nothing ever came of it.

Long story short, I do not believe I've ever been loved nor have I ever truly loved another.

designdiva3.deviantart.com

I don't know what it feels like to be loved, not by my father, my parents, my siblings, or any of the people I had mistakenly assumed were 'friends'.

And, as the years go by, it becomes more obvious to me that I didn't know how to love, either.


I was really stunned the day my mother told me (and not too long ago, mind you) that when I was a little girl, I'd let my 'friends' come into the house and rummage through everything... including the kitchen cupboards and refrigerator.

She said they would eat their fill or take one of my toys and go home.

LOL

Which pretty much sums up the way I was treated and the way I permitted others to treat me.


On a much more happy note:

I've been 'crazy' about some boys, a few guys, and a lot of 'things' in my lifetime.

I can't walk past a jewelry counter without touching everything shiny, sparkly, and glimmering.

Did you know that some people believe your favorite part of the day is in direct relation to the time you were born?

It's true for me, because I arrived in the world just before 6pm in the dead of winter, and twilight remains my favorite and most-loved time of the day.

I distinctly recall the first time I took a sip of diet Coke from McDonalds.

My first-born was about a year old and I was an emotional and physical wreck because of my disastrous marriage to his father.

I remember parking the car in the lot, and while my son enjoyed himself in the car seat behind me, I closed my eyes and relished that drink the way a lot of old-time coffee commercials used to depict their drinkers.

I hated and still do hate coffee, but diet Coke was something new and had the benefit of caffeine.

THAT was true love, and I've been hooked ever since.

And, of course, the above-mentioned child and his sister are true loves for me, but that probably goes without saying.

Technically, my First Love would have to be my father.



I truly loved Pop as a little girl and could not fault him regardless of his unaffectionate and cold personality.

Then I got older and began to see what an idiot I was being trying to win someone's love the way I had struggled and pined away for the boys in school who never cared until I just gave up.

I do know that there is some truth in the rumor that a girl bases her love and partners on her relationship with her father, and that she will also base her relationship with God the same way.

I believe He exists, but for everyone else and not me.

NOT BEING A CRYBABY... just stating a fact for the post topic.

My First Love of Books began in the 2nd Grade, when I received my very first library card at St. Bernadine.

I remember walking up to the check-out counter with too many books in my arms, but still filled with a lot of excitement.

The nun behind the desk smiled and said, "Are you sure you can read all of these in seven days?"

I wanted to cry because I thought she was telling me I couldn't have them. :(

I was wrong, though, and Sr. Rose checked them all out for me. :D

Yay!

When I got older and started to notice boys, my very first love of Romance novels came via Johanna Lindsey.

Later, it was the same with Lisa Kleypas.

Not first love with the authors but their novels, just to make that clear.

I do not apologize for being a teenager at heart, either, because even at my age, I am still a gushing fan-girl when I see a good-looking man on TV, in an Asian drama, or in a magazine.

Nor do I feel any amount of shame in going WA-AY back to report the pure and simple fact that I had a mad crush on one of the Monkees back in the 70s.

It wasn't Davy Jones, Peter Tork, or Micky Dolenz.

I was secretly crushing on Michael Nesmith.


The Sinatra Guide

When I found out his mother had been the creator of Wite-Out, it made me feel special to be working as a secretary at that time.

I also recall a brief but super-serious crush I'd had on "The Great One" hockey legend, Wayne Gretzky.


The Hockey News


So much so that my friend and I used to frequent two nightclubs in Windsor because I believed the rumors that he occasionally popped in for a round or three.

Yeah, and I also believed that pigs could fly, so...

I'm still in love with ma's meatloaf, and I'll always crave coconut ice cream (even if it is next to impossible to find!)

I love 80s R&B and always will, along with smooth jazz and ambient music.

I love my long hair and never intend to cut it short.

As for Tim... I'd still rather not talk about it or remember.


izayn.com



Never give all the heart, for love
Will hardly seem worth thinking of
To passionate women if it seem
Certain, and they never dream
That it fades out from kiss to kiss;
For everything that’s lovely is
But a brief, dreamy, kind delight.
O never give the heart outright,
For they, for all smooth lips can say,
Have given their hearts up to the play.
And who could play it well enough
If deaf and dumb and blind with love?
He that made this knows all the cost,
For he gave all his heart and lost.
~W.B. Yeats




Thanks for stopping by to read my post!

Please scroll down to the LinkyLink tool and click on the next participant in this week's Challenge to find out about their First Love.






Comments

  1. I was an 'ugly duckling' who didn't find love until thirty, but since discovering it was a lie, I've come to the conclusion that my 'HEA' is never going to happen, though I did have fifteen years of blissful ignorance. My marriage is one of more convenience than the one I'd hoped for, but my kids make it bearable. In the meantime, I can still give my readers a sense of hope:)

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    Replies
    1. Mine ended in his leaving me for another woman so, like you, I will never experienced a HEA either. EXCEPT in my own novels, of course! Thanks very much for reading my post, Kenzie.

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  2. Very well thought out post this week. And there's nothing wrong with fan-girling. Hell I do it as well. Growing up doesn't mean you can't stay young at heart for some things.

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  3. Yay, The Monkees! I loved Mike Nesmith, too (he was the smart one, lol!)

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  4. Very touching post. Is there anything stronger or more painful than unrequited love when you're 12 or 13? I had a crush on a dark, handsome guy in 7th and 88th grade (and beyond) and even wrote his name on my notebook in HUGE letters--which I had to frantically cover up with both hands any time I passed him in the hall. He knew I existed, but only because we went to the same church. He never, ever gave me the time of day, though. I still haven't completely forgiven the cheerleader he married, nor can I deny just a smidgen of satisfaction at knowing they later divorced. I know. I know. I'm a horrible person. I love your library story!!!

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  5. I'm been a big fan of coke (then later diet coke) because I also couldn't stand the smell or taste of coffee. Not a good thing when you're working in a town that makes it and the scent of roasted beans permeates everything.

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  6. I was a Diet Coke addict- but had to break the habit because of migraines. Now I drink to much coffee. Thanks for sharing!

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  7. I've never been a fan of coffee. I prefer Pepsi or tea.

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  8. Oh, boy. I too had a crush on the cutest and tallest boy in 8th grade. He knew I existed because he sat behind me in one class. I couldn't concentrate with him there. Nothing ever came of it. A couple years later I did meet my real "first love." Thanks for sharing your story.

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