Sour Grapes and a #WIP Excerpt

When life feels more like a sport in which you suck at, everything tends to get skewed (make biased or distorted in a way that is regarded as inaccurate, unfair, or misleading), as I'm sure most are already aware.

As Moses once said, "I am but a voice crying out in the wilderness."

For me, that wilderness is Social Media.

Being my own worst enemy, there always comes a time in my writing endeavors when I stop typing, pull back from my efforts, and start to see things in that skewed vision.

I feel like Moses in the desert.

For several years now, I've made countless attempts at reaching out to people, making friends, and learning how best to 'market' myself in order to attract people to me and my novels.

With zero in the way of progress.

Facebook seems like a bowling alley now... abandoned, hollow, and aged.

Tumblr fell in on itself once the SJW crowd took over and left zero in the way of space for any other type of 'socializing' or input.

Wordpress remains an elitist format with such tightly knit 'clans' that it will never be likely I'll find a place there.

Bloggers continue to get laughed at and thought of as being passé.

Pinterest, Wattpad, Goodreads, Twitter, and Triberr are no better when it comes to Socializing on Social Media.

Day in and Day out, I browse, read, peruse these venues, liking, re-posting, tweeting, sharing, and pinning all in the hopes of helping others to grow, flourish, and succeed.

And connect with people who share my interests.

Day after Day, I repeat the ritual until it becomes a chore, but I soldier on by thinking that one day soon... SOME day... maybe... if I keep trying hard enough... things will work in my favor.

Which is what Social Media is all about, right?

Socializing, meeting like-minded people, and connecting with them in order to grow as a Social Media entity.

I have three areas of interest Social Media-wise: Romance Novels, Asian Dramas, and YouTube.

I have three separate blogs, seven e-mail accounts, two Youtube channels, and am signed up and active on all of the above-mentioned Social Media websites... even LinkedIn, which is more of a professional (real life) side dealing with my job as a PARAPro/Subber.

But, I also advertise myself there as being capable of proofreading/editing, and the fact that I have two ePub novels for sale on Amazon.

For all the good it does me.

No one knows me, no one reads me, and no one even follows me.

Day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, I find myself to be doing the same things on the same outlets with the same goals in mind, only to reap the same rewards with the same results, which is absolutely nothing.

I daily repost via Triberr on both Twitter and Facebook, as well as on my Google+ Blogging Romance page, with zero likes or reshares on Facebook, and with the same few people liking and retweeting on Twitter.

I created a Tribe that no one joined.

I created a Facebook Author Page that no one Likes.

I've been at this Blogger Blog for years now and have a grand total of 1 follower.

My first novel has been on Wattpad for 3 years now and only 2 people have browsed it.

I've had both novels uploaded to Amazon for about 4 years in total and only 1 person has bought the 2nd novel while 5 purchased the first one, and all five of them are friends of mine.

I have no idea how to socialize on Goodreads because ALL of their groups related to Romance Writers and Readers are dated, private, or abandoned.

The groups that are active have yet to respond to me or my inquiries.

Goodreads comes in handy only because it is connected with my Kindle, nothing more.

I continue to Blog because of my love of and need to write, and I will continue to do this even if no one listens or cares.

Twitter is all but a joke to me.

The same people appear on my HOME page posting the very same Tweets, sometimes on the hour, and with nothing of variation other than a few non-related and stupid ADS in between.

I click the Heart again and again and again and again...

I thank those who retweeted my retweets and likes...

And, every damn time one of those #PITMAD events rolls around, I spend the whole day posting and hoping, tweeting and twiddling my thumbs awaiting a response.

Which never arrives.

As always, I'm ignored.

Three years ago, I gave my first novel's information to a Free Tweet website, and for close to TWO YEARS, they daily-posted my novel for me, and I kept thanking them by Hearting and Retweeting their efforts.

Which didn't garner me a single sale or a single show of interest in either the novel or me.

It was a tumbleweed effort.

Facebook remains a conundrum for me, but I am unwilling to delete the account just yet because I still think it is me doing something horribly wrong, or that I have yet to catch on to the key that will unlock the mystery of how to win friends and influence people.

The few 'groups' I did join became much like Tumblr... here today, gone tomorrow.

I used to search for and join like-minded Facebook Groups geared toward authors and BETA reading, but that never amounted to anything, either.

A majority of my 'friends' there are authors of Romance, and they daily-post their success stories, advertise their novels, and create social events aimed at their fan-base.

Those people receive a lot of attention, praise, and encouragement.

The real reason why I have an aversion to my Facebook Page is simple, and it has everything to do with money.

These are established authors writing for brick & mortar publishers who can afford editing services, fancy cover art, and attend at least two conventions per year.

They fly around the world, have semi-annual meet-ups with other successful authors, and post a lot of pictures of themselves having a good time together.

A Don't you wish you were me? kind of thing.

They have husbands with incomes who support their efforts while also supporting them financially.

It's depressing and why I have such a hard time visiting Facebook on a daily basis.

Their being on such a higher plane than I is likely to be the reason why I am ignored there.

Small-time chump change me has no business or right trying to 'socialize' with the loftier crowd, and I know it.

Yet, I continue to help them by liking, re-posting, and commenting with a Hurray for You! on their success posts.

I even did the stupidest thing ever, which is to buy their books, read them, not particularly care for them, but tell them I did and helped to promote their work there.

Of course, the favor was never reciprocated.

And when I launched my second novel, it had seemed as if I was at the height of some type of recognition there, but when launch day arrived and I excitedly posted that cover image with a link to the book...

Nothing.

Two people out of over 500 clicked the Like button.

TWO.

And, no one bought the book or shared the post.

Social Media, for me, is a one-way street leading to a dead end, and in order to remain levelheaded about the whole thing, I avoid spending too much time (and anymore EFFORT) there.

I don't have a husband to support me or my goal.

I don't have the money to buy all of the expensive accoutrements necessary to succeed in the world of Authorship and probably never will.

I cannot afford to attend Conferences, much less travel.

Yet, I proceed forward by still typing the words that will eventually lead to a full-length Romance novel, which I will self-proof, self-edit, and self-publish, upload to Amazon, and then pray.

Social Media doesn't work for me, I work for it -- which isn't beneficial or intelligent as far as I'm concerned.

Nothing about it makes any sense.

I have gained zero anything in all the years I've participated in it, and I fail to see any reason why I should continue down such a dark, unpaved road that leads to nowhere other than a dead end.

So, I remain a Moses, but will no longer be crying out in the wilderness with no one to hear, care, or respond.

Until I become popular, that is.

Maybe Social Media is like Banking.

The more money you have, the more people notice you and want to give you more money.

And freebies.

And attention.

And praise.

And benefits.

Until then, I'm stuck in the How Can I Get a Job if I Don't Have Experience, and How Can I Get Experience if I Can't Get a Job? type of a relationship with Social Media.

I'll wait until I don't need it anymore and THEN participate.

I guess.

Here's my WIP 

Tears stung the backs of her eyes, making her smile as she willed them away.
Ivy had said that there was plenty of shopping in town, and that her brother, Iliya, such a cool name, would be more than happy to take her anywhere she needed or wanted to go while she stayed at the house on Lake Michigan. Maybe if she did do a little shopping and got a mani-pedi as well, she might end up feeling a bit better. It was why she had decided to take this trip in the first place, to try and unwind before deciding what she would do with the rest of her life.
While she waited for Iliya to pick her up, Linley wondered what she would do with her time at a big lake in the woods for five days. Especially with no shorts, t-shirts, or even a tank top if the weather decides to change the way it is apt to do in springtime in Michigan. One minute it was cold, an hour later it was hot and humid, then a storm passes through and it’s back to being cold. That she didn’t even own a pair of sneakers or a bathing suit irritated her now when, just a few weeks ago, it had never been an issue.
She stared at the wheeled suitcase at her side and inwardly cringed at the memory of what was inside. Three sweaters, two of them thin and one an angora material. Her only pair of jeans, and three pairs of dark-colored slacks. Two cotton blouses and a pearly silk one, her bras and panties, two pairs of kitten heels, and the brown leather clogs she had on now.
“Gawd,” she whispered with desperation in her tone and raised her moistening eyes to the high ceiling of the terminal. After sniffing, she fanned her flushed face to dry the unwanted tears from her tired eyes. “What am I doing here? What was I thinking to just take off in the middle of a crisis? Why did I let Ivy talk me into–.”
Forgetting everything, Linley gawked at the tall, bulk-muscled man who approached her with a deadpan expression but with eyes that managed to bore right through to her soul. The closer he came, the bigger he appeared until Linley started to get nervous. He looked angry but she didn’t have a clue as to why. And man, was he ever big! Well over six feet tall, and at least two-hundred pounds of solid muscle that appeared to strain against every bit of skin covering his bones.
When the big guy with dirty blond hair, terrifying ebony eyes, and exceptional European bone structure stopped before her, Linley felt herself backing away. Slowly as she kept her wide-eyed gaze riveted on the unkempt slob of a still-attractive man. The cheekbones that protruded beneath those eyes were a marvel, the nose somewhat enlarged like it had been broken a time or two, and dark lips set in a tight line that made the muscles in his jaw twitch.
I hate jocks.
Linley gasped and turned aside, terrified that she might have thought that spontaneous reaction aloud.
“Linda, right?”
Who? She turned aside her head and started to narrow her gaze when the big guy smiled, taking her breath away and making her stupid again. She saw that he reached out to take the handle of her suitcase, and her inner voice screamed at her to stop him, but Linley stood frozen and continued to stare. At least until she felt the suitcase being tugged from her fingers and then she snapped out of it in time to wheel the bag behind her legs and take another step back.
Their eyes met, and this time Linley could feel heat rising from her collar up to her bangs and beyond. She continued to lean her upper body back but was unable to remove her mesmerized gaze from his intriguing face. Those eyes, her inner voice whispered.
“Sorry,” she heard him say, and this time the deep timbre of his voice made her skin prick. “Let me introduce myself.”
“No!”
The alarm in her tone made her cringe, but Linley leaned back a bit farther and set her free hand near the pulsing vain at her throat. She shook her head at him, warning herself not to let his charming smile and attractive features sway her into doing anything foolish. Like let Mr. Handsome lead her away as if she’d known him all her life.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
Yes! Her inner voice cried. Something was definitely wrong, and it had everything to do with her past issues involving male jocks. But that wasn’t the most pressing issue. As she gazed into his spellbinding eyes, Linley felt herself relaxing, and then she was leaning toward him instead of away. As rough and unclean as he appeared, he did not offend, which was a relief. One of his eyes, though, had changed from onyx to a greyish green color, startling her.
“Are you okay?” she asked.